geezer94

Old Guy Photography

The Old Guy … Where Does She Go …

12 Comments

Where Does She Go …

In the early morning hours,
I weep for my Sweetheart,
Her mind is going to a far away place,
Where I cannot follow,
In silence she sits,
Without me …
Even though I am beside her …

I weep for my Sweetheart,
And cannot realize the horror,
The frustration,
Of losing the sense,
Of one’s own self …
Where does she go when she sits,
In silence ..

There is no laughter,
Or soft spoken word,
Anymore,
Where she treads with small steps,
Here or there,
Or stands in silence,
Just beyond the doorway.

Oh my love,
You do not hear my words,
Or see my tears,
But I am beside you,
Despite the hour day or night.
Rest this evening and do not stir,
I am here … only a breath away.

Poem “Where Does She Go” By John E. Moss Copyright 2015

***

Sweetheart-1

My Sweetheart … Distance Thinking …

I get tired. Sometimes so tired I just want to go out in the middle of the backyard, sit down and don’t get up for a week. It is selfish of me I know, but being a full-time 24/7 caregiver is a daunting task. I could have never in my wildest dreams imagined the where, when, who and the stringent demands of such a life changing experience.

It would help my caregiving duties if I were an organized personage, but I am not. Far from it. I have always had packrat tendencies which clash with the rules and socially accepted demands of “efficiency”or “efficiency in motion”. But I am learning.

The morning routine for my Sweetheart and myself depends on the day of the week. Either day, dialysis or free, is much like herding cats. Pills, breakfast, bathroom trips and getting dressed several times consumes most of the morning. Next comes hair brushing, re-dressing, bathroom trips, along with additional standing, staring and distance thinking in the kitchen or doorway.

Sweetheart-2

Thinking …

I feel shut-out and helpless. Visions of my father taking care of my bedridden mother come to mind. He had a long and difficult time with  her before she died. Through his dedication and lengthy example, he taught me responsibility, dedication and how to love even when exceptionally heartbreaking and frustrating.

A week or so ago she stopped talking to me. My Sweetheart will at times answer questions but remains far from being a conversationalist. It is very frustrating. A new medication for dementia has helped some, but doesn’t cope well on dialysis days. The pull process of the treatment overwhelms the small odd colored pill and renders it useless.

Being a full time caregiver was something I never expected to happen to me at any stage of my life. But … since it has so unexpectedly arrived … each day is a fresh challenge, at times rewarding, at times exceptionally frustrating, and physically and mentally draining. I can only hope I have the inner and spiritual strength to do right by my Sweetheart and somehow during her life trial she will know of my love and dedication to her.

So, the first stage is running its course … and the second stage will come to the forefront in its own time.

 .

Next Week … Something Interesting or something current …

For Additional Photographs Click on This 500 px Link …

For More Additional Photographs Click On This Flicker Link …

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Author: geezer94

I was told by my grandfather that if you are destined to hang you'll never drown. I have never been afraid of water . . .

12 thoughts on “The Old Guy … Where Does She Go …

  1. Dear, dear John. My heart goes out to you both. You express so beautifully the pain of loving someone so much through illness. Always in my prayers xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Dear John, Just read your posting and it is just beautiful also heart breaking as we watch our love one fade away, where do they go. Please posting although I know little time you have, love to both of you

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Beautifully written John. My heart goes out to you. Always praying for you both.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. John you are in prays and Jeannie too. If i can help you, with anything ,please let me know.

    Ann

    Liked by 1 person

  5. My mother-in-law travelled the Misty Road . It was not easy walking beside her. The demands on my wife and her sister were many.
    All the best and may you be granted the strength you need in this time.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. It breaks my heart, as I’m sure it does yours. I found your Flickr stream. The photographs are beautiful.

    Like

  7. Hello,

    I’ve nominated you for the Creative Blogger Award. if you have an award free zone please accept this nomination as a statement of appreciation for your work.

    http://robertmgoldstein.com/2015/06/13/the-creative-blogger-award/

    RG

    Liked by 1 person

  8. John, your poem is both beautiful and heartbreaking. My heart goes out to you and your sweet companion.
    Inese

    Liked by 2 people

  9. What a poignant, beautiful post. I worked as a nurse manager on Alzheimer/Dementia units for over 20 years. It’s vitally important that you take care of yourself too. Sometimes churches or senior centers may be able to advise you about respite services that might be available in your area, so that you’d be able to get some relief from the continuous care-giving. If there’s an Alzheimer Support Group in your area, I would highly recommend going to it. Lastly, online , the Alzheimer Assn. has a wonderful site with lots of information and support. This is the link https://www.alz.org I will keep you and your wife in my thoughts and prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your kind words. I have meetings with the medical staff at the dialysis clinic. They and the doctors are suggesting several plans for her additional care. So far it is all on my shoulders. My diebetic nerve pain, heart disease, and physical condition has crippled me and so our situation remains difficult at the time being. More later as this plays out.

      Like

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