geezer94

Old Guy Photography

The Old Guy … A Summer Without Me …

12 Comments

I see the summer ending without me. My participation has been negotiable and to a point exceptionally disappointing. The ambitious photographic projects and series that held so much promise as Spring approached never really got of the ground. At the beginning of the shooting season, I never considered or thought it possible that a catastrophic disease crippling my wife would demand all my energy, time and attention.

Days one upon another can pass without a meaningful photograph being taken.

As each day progresses, my wife of nearly twenty-nine years becomes more dependent on me. Her twenty-four hour seven day a week medical condition drains every ounce of energy I can muster … and then demands more. My time melts away and there is no possibility of recovery or even simple conservation management. Though I continued to travel with and always have a camera with me, days often slip by without a single photograph being taken.

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A Pork Tenderloin Diner Lunch …

At times, I do occasionally take a tablet photograph of a lunch plate, my Sweetheart or family at the diner on days off from dialysis. But … tablet photographs are not considered photographs … they are more like disposable snapshot images. I know, that is a purist thought coming from an old film and digital photographer, but it could be said … such a sad commentary it is that I have already been reduced to such a low state in my photographic career. John E. Moss … amateur food porn tablet photographer.

I do at times, within a stolen moment, plan and work out in my mind energetic photograph shoots, overtly ambitious series and possible collections … even maybe another book. But … these fantasy projects remain on the shelf with little chance of completion. An exercise in wishful thinking of good intentions and hope. Fortunately, I can still dream even though the Summer is vanishing before my eyes.

My physical limitations remain stationary though hers have accelerated. That will not always be the case.

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John E. Moss … amateur food porn tablet photographer.

Oh, despite continuous discouragements, I still think and see in frames even though I seriously tinker with the thought of no longer taking photographs. I have a large inventory on hand for article and blog post illustrations which I can still do during stolen moments late at night. This is more so an option when I am tired to the bone and cannot move except with great difficulty.

My physical limitations remain stationary though hers have accelerated. That will not always be the case. I am quickly running out of gas and have already started experiencing chest pains again. They return almost daily and can be quite disconcerting.

At the end of this week … I have taken one photograph. It was a relaxed impromptu portrait of uncle Miles at the diner. The photograph has not boosted my spirits or changed my circumstances. And the arguments to continue doing and shooting are beginning to fall on my own deaf ears. I have just about rationalized the thought that the desire to keep shooting is beginning to leave me. Never thought that would happen!

Am I bitter to see the end of another career? No not at all. I’ve had a good run and if the decision, to be made at my leisure, is final so be it. I’ve published six books of photographic images and one poetry book. And, there is a lot of images that I am proud of thank goodness. Not bad for an Old Guy that can’t hardly get around.

Portrait Of Uncle Miles ...

Portrait Of Uncle Miles …

Right now I am worn to a frazzle and sleep deprived. And … there is a new sugar regulating diet hiding in the closet just waiting for me to have another moment of decreased mental capacity moment.

 

Next Week … Something Interesting or something current …

 

 

For Additional Photographs Click on This 500 px Link …

For More Additional Photographs Click On This Flicker Link …

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Author: geezer94

I was told by my grandfather that if you are destined to hang you'll never drown. I have never been afraid of water . . .

12 thoughts on “The Old Guy … A Summer Without Me …

  1. So sorry to read this John. Time and life can be overwhelming. Can you get some help with the care of your wife?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear G,
    I’m very sorry for your struggles right now. I can imagine how overwhelming it must be to provide 24/7 care like this. I agree with Mike’s comments — please do check with every community resource and make some noise. Help must be out there.
    Please also try to take care of yourself. Get a bit of rest and try to take a tiny break here and there.
    Stay strong, G.
    – D.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ms Danica, I tried to get a small break the other afternoon and she little-ole-lady stepped out to the front porch swing. She took Gretchen with her and promptly forgot her. Without being hooked up to her leash, the little dog will wander off if something catches her fancy. I was fortunate to find her exploring next door. There can’t be a lot of relaxing, or sleep here.

      Still trying to get some correct information so I can make an informed decision about some things. But, it does look like I am the best solution until my incapacitation.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dear G,
        That must have been very stressful! I’m glad that Gretchen didn’t wander too far and that everyone was okay.
        I’m wondering if there would be some help available in your current situation? Something like home visits and support. Maybe even volunteers to help with the everyday things.
        I have no doubt that you are the best solution, but you can’t do it all by yourself. You’ll wear yourself out.
        I hope that you’ll find some help soon.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Photographs are only the memories, in the big scale. Your food photographs will be an important part of your memories one day. Memories matter, the rest is vanity.

    Your chest pains are worrying. Could you please walk around the house some 15 minutes daily with a clear purpose in your mind to keep your heart brisk and light. Please breath in for 2 seconds and breath out for 3 seconds. Your heart doesn’t belong only to yourself, you know, and has to be maintained like a service weapon 🙂

    Have a peaceful weekend!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ms Inesephoto, severe Diabetic Neuropathy in my feet, legs and on occasion my hands makes it too difficult to walk far. Short distances I use my cane, otherwise I use my wheelchair. Ninety-five percent of my photographs are taken sitting or out the window of our automobile. Photographic mobility isn’t a limiting factor … time has become the gateway to inactivity. 24/7 caregiving means there is no rest or frivolous moments. House cleaning, laundry, food stuff shopping, bathing, pills, first aid, hygiene changing and everything else plus her three trips a week to the dialysis clinic leaves little room to breathe.

      Help would be nice but help isn’t there at ten at night when you have to decide if her difficulties is congestive heart failure or a panic attack. One requires an expensive trip to the emergency (causality) room and possible hospital stay and the other takes a lot of careful talk, reassurance, attention and hours of sleeplessness. So far, I am 100% in my diagnosis with a large accumulation of sleepless hours. Unfortunately, the local hospital personnel know both of us by name with associative illnesses.

      Service weapon … I think I am one of the few Americans who doesn’t own a handgun or long gun.

      Thank you for your concern and generosity.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Diabetes runs in my family. I had to lose weight to skin-and-bones I am now (perpetually hungry, 700 calories a day is no fun). I know I won’t live forever, but as they say, I will die in attempt 🙂 And I don’t have a sweetheart to care for, otherwise I would try even harder.

        Hugs and wishes of peace to you.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. The bittersweet irony of discovering my childhood friend struggling so mightily to maintain his own health while caring for his dear wife is a devastating thing. I can’t find the words to say to provide any comfort or relieve him of a single distress. My old friend, John. We would play in the hot summer heat without a thought of interrupting a ball game for a cold glass of water. Instead, we lined up at the nearest outdoor water faucet to take our turn lapping water from a worn hose or the faucet itself. Young John E. was the only kid on the block who could turn a somersault without using his hands, a remarkable display of balance and agility that none of us could duplicate. I have missed those days of youth and vitality, old friend. I would restore them for us, if only I could.

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  5. Life is tough. Thoughts are with you – but keep creating! Best wishes Opher

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  6. I can empathize just a little bit since my Mom lived with Bill and me for several years during her battle (and ours) with her progressing Alzheimer’s disease. At least Bill and I had each other, but finally had to find a place for Mom where she could get the 24 hour help she needed. I cry for you and your Sweetheart to be going through all this, and you not so strong anymore to do it all by yourself.

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