Old Guy Photography

The Old Guy … Ageing Comfortably … My %% $#@$ …


I am not ageing comfortably …  and these are supposed to be my “Golden Years”. I’m supposed to be ageing much like a fine wine resting in a climate controlled cellar … well … golden years my %% $#@$. My aches, pains and hurts have multiplied, and I have bruises, scrapes and cuts that I don’t remember when and how they were acquired. I can barely walk and my memory has become quite suspect. Yeah … Golden years …


Old Faithful … My Coffee Cup …

I just don’t have a handle on this thing …

I have often said that there’s not a thing made by our wonderful industrial society that I cannot drop, tip over, or give an impromptu bounce test. Just a few days ago, I dropped my favorite coffee cup. We had shared morning sunrises for years on end. And the old weathered cup was featured in many of my photographs. I couldn’t believe it when it lay in pieces on the back porch.

Then I dropped my Baxter’s Coffee House cup. Its unique and distinctive fluorescent green glass broke in so many pieces super-glue wouldn’t be helpful in getting it together. A full cup of fresh brew was a secondary and regretful loss. On and on mishaps gathered around me like the plague. My hands have seemed to lose touch with their primary function which would be gripping objects of interest, want, comfort and or need.

I have become without question a fumble fingered old man with a clumsy unpredictable cloud hovering over his head. Thank goodness many condiment jars and bottles are made of forgiveable plastic. The don’t bounce well, but fortunately don’t break or shed their contents all over the kitchen floor.


The Old Guy … Front Porch Ageing …. With Style And Grace …

Another coffee cup had “Peace” written all over it. It seems ironic that such a sentiment met a violent end.

I think my natural clumsiness is amplified by the ageing process. I drop everything and it gets to the point of being embarrassing and exceptionally frustrating. Things carefully placed, but still falling out of the refrigerator is another bone of contention. Does everything dropped have to land face down or automatically have the lid pop off?

Faulty trouser zippers and rectal tremors …

And speaking about bones of contention, I have so much trouble with faulty trouser zippers. More than once a wonderful visit to the grocery or favorite eating establishment has been spoiled by the realization that my trousers were in the unzipped position the entire time I was in the business. Delayed embarrassment is still embarrassment … and probably the worst form of ‘I didn’t know’ inappropriate public shenanigans.

But … not entirely my fault. I have been zipping zippers since I was a very young short individual. I am well versed in the mechanical workings of metal teeth meshing and unmeshing in harmony close to delicate, and highly valuable, personal parts. One mishap makes you “EDUCATED” and forever aware.

I do not think all of the instances of wanton exposure are due to my temporary ineptitude. There’s probably a design flaw there … somewhere. Yep … an undiscovered hideous design flaw that relishes the opportunity to get a good one on an Old Guy.


A Comfortable Fabric Covered Chair At The Coffee House …

And …it must be an age thing … that when I get comfortable somewhere like a coffee shop or other small initiate type business, I begin to get rectal tremors, which soon lead to involuntary rectal emissions. This sort of behavior is not supposed to be enjoyable in polite society. The highly noticeable condition often lingers on and on as soiled fabric chair cushions have a long memory.

If someone ventures close, it is best to not make eye contact. The embarrassment factor, if discovered, is at the top of the charts.

Retirement at times has been somewhat comfortable. Leisurely mornings spent in the front porch swing pitching peanuts to the Blue Jays remain memorable. But … recurring chest pains, diabetes, bad knees and legs, diabetic nerve pain, rectal tremors and other ailments certainly subtract from the Golden Years.

Ageing comfortably my %% $#@$. I know life is not a promise of ease, leisure and reward. But … hey … a little slack in the program, please. Once or twice maybe the buttered bread should land face up, or coffee isn’t spilled all over the kitchen floor or front porch. Maybe just once when getting into the car, I don’t spill hot coffee down my light-colored trousers or a full dinner plate doesn’t slip off the table into my lap.

Maybe just once …  the Old Guy comes out on top …


Next Week Or So … Something Interesting or something current …

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Author: geezer94

I was told by my grandfather that if you are destined to hang you'll never drown. I have never been afraid of water . . .

10 thoughts on “The Old Guy … Ageing Comfortably … My %% $#@$ …

  1. Easy does it, Johnny. Often I have lifted an object securely in my grip, only to need to suddenly drop it due to an arthritic paralysis in the forearm. I wish it would give me some advance warning, but it doesn’t unfortunately. Not to mention the countless times I’ve walked into a room to retrieve something, and forget what it was when I get there.:) Grrrr

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I clicked on “Like” to get here which isn’t correct. I sure don’t “like” to hear things are a mess. I’ve had similar problems of course–it ain’t easy dear friends.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sounds like you can take on mosaic projects with all the broken mugs and such…..collect the shards and make a stepping stone from the pieces and in that way, you can still enjoy the mugs in a new form.

    My grandfather had the same problem with his bowel movements. He wore B-Sure leakage pads which were more comfortable than Depends because they are much smaller. On Amazon, you can by 24 pads for under $10. Saves any embarrassment, and those fabric chairs will thank you kindly.

    I do enjoy your posts and wish you and your wife all the best!


    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi G,

    You reminded me of the Bette Davis quote, “Old age ain’t no place for sissies.”

    Have you given any thought to replacing your coffee mug? I admired some tea cups in the window of a thrift store the other day. You might find a good and stylish coffee mug at a local thrift store.

    I hope that today will be smooth sailing for you!

    – D.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I think that only those who are in a good 24/7 care can tell that they are ageing more or less comfortably. The other folks are struggling with just about everything. Yet, judging by your sense of humor, you are certainly ageing courageously.

    Liked by 1 person

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