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The Old Guy … Keep Going … Though Your Heart Is Breaking …

(this post was written before November 2nd)

I know this hospital … but have forgotten how many times my Sweetheart has been here this year. The rooms are much the same on all floors along with the chairs, tables, color scheme, and a standard operating wall clock running ten minutes slow.

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A Quiet Time …

She lays somewhat comfortably … calling for her long ago passed away mother, and expressing hope she will fix cabbage for dinner. It is a dish she doesn’t eat. A moment passes, and she calls for her sister, a nephew, and worries about the baby’s room across the hall which is actually a storage closet. Then she softly sings a hymn from long ago … her childhood friend and I hold her hands as she goes through each verse. I cannot speak and it’s hard to capture my next breath.

I humor her in her delusions. A long time ago I learned not to correct or challenge her. But … I am heartbroken and weep for her inwardly. Stress lays boldly on my heart. It is suffocating me and I am bone-tired to a point that when I leave it is exceptionally hard to keep the car on the road.

Some days are better than others. Subtle changes can mean a lot. It’s not hard to realize that I am in an endless loop of hospitals, emergency rooms and nursing home demands. But that is the way it is and I can embrace the opportunity to help and comfort my Sweetheart. The boundaries of a our relationship have been founded in God, love and trust. We have been blessed. Our marriage relationship has lasted longer than some lifetimes.

A long week of tests, dialysis, heart-cath, medications and doctor consultations point to the fact that she is weathering this hospital stay. Her heart attack was a mild one except with her history and health problems that is an understatement. I would take a deep breath, but there is little time as the routine progresses. At the hospital, after dialysis, two hours of last-minute doctors exams, checkout, and the drive to Columbia and the nursing home. There she is made comfortable and has a day of rest before her early morning dialysis day routine begins.

She is looking forward to after her morning dialysis since I promised we were going to the Mexican Restaurant for lunch. I didn’t know it … but that wonderful lunch was the last we would share together.

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Rest In Peace Sweetheart …

Jeannie Moss
06-25-40 – 11-02-15

You will be missed more than words can describe …

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Next Week … I just don’t know 

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Next Week … Something Interesting or something current …

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