Old Guy Photography

The Old Guy … Keep Going … Though Your Heart Is Breaking …


(this post was written before November 2nd)

I know this hospital … but have forgotten how many times my Sweetheart has been here this year. The rooms are much the same on all floors along with the chairs, tables, color scheme, and a standard operating wall clock running ten minutes slow.


A Quiet Time …

She lays somewhat comfortably … calling for her long ago passed away mother, and expressing hope she will fix cabbage for dinner. It is a dish she doesn’t eat. A moment passes, and she calls for her sister, a nephew, and worries about the baby’s room across the hall which is actually a storage closet. Then she softly sings a hymn from long ago … her childhood friend and I hold her hands as she goes through each verse. I cannot speak and it’s hard to capture my next breath.

I humor her in her delusions. A long time ago I learned not to correct or challenge her. But … I am heartbroken and weep for her inwardly. Stress lays boldly on my heart. It is suffocating me and I am bone-tired to a point that when I leave it is exceptionally hard to keep the car on the road.

Some days are better than others. Subtle changes can mean a lot. It’s not hard to realize that I am in an endless loop of hospitals, emergency rooms and nursing home demands. But that is the way it is and I can embrace the opportunity to help and comfort my Sweetheart. The boundaries of a our relationship have been founded in God, love and trust. We have been blessed. Our marriage relationship has lasted longer than some lifetimes.

A long week of tests, dialysis, heart-cath, medications and doctor consultations point to the fact that she is weathering this hospital stay. Her heart attack was a mild one except with her history and health problems that is an understatement. I would take a deep breath, but there is little time as the routine progresses. At the hospital, after dialysis, two hours of last-minute doctors exams, checkout, and the drive to Columbia and the nursing home. There she is made comfortable and has a day of rest before her early morning dialysis day routine begins.

She is looking forward to after her morning dialysis since I promised we were going to the Mexican Restaurant for lunch. I didn’t know it … but that wonderful lunch was the last we would share together.


Rest In Peace Sweetheart …

Jeannie Moss
06-25-40 – 11-02-15

You will be missed more than words can describe …



Next Week … I just don’t know 

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Next Week … Something Interesting or something current …

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Author: geezer94

I was told by my grandfather that if you are destined to hang you'll never drown. I have never been afraid of water . . .

13 thoughts on “The Old Guy … Keep Going … Though Your Heart Is Breaking …

  1. John, I am so sorry for your tremendous loss. I hope that you are finding some small peace in your heart. Stay strong.


  2. My heart goes out to you buddy. As Danica says “stay strong”


  3. John, I am so very sorry for your loss. Prayers of comfort and strength are sent your way.
    Your blog is a wonderful record of memories. Peace, friend.


  4. I meant to tell you how sorry I am for your loss, and so sorry I am late with those condolences. I have been ridiculously immersed in hospital tests for minor things compared to what you and your sweetheart have been going through. Know that I wish you well and I am so impressed with your devotion and all you did to keep your love for each other alive.


    • Ms Dorannrule,
      It has been a week since … I am tired from no sleep and emotionally drained. I know i am not thinking clearly so I sit here quietly and marvel at the stillness surrounding me. Tomorrow will be a dedicated day of rest and prayer. More tomorrow … or possibly later.


  5. Very powerful and heart wrenching – somehow we travel through these events, shaped and transformed. Where we go to next is always in someway unexpected, full of hopeful wonders and shadows of uncertainty.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I hope you are okay. We miss you and are sending compassion your way.
    I just wanted you to know that I noticed you had not been posting.
    Take all the time you need. Just know you are being thought of.
    Much love,
    Annie 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ms thanks for your kind words. Suffering with diabetic nerve pain in feet and legs today. Did the stairs too much yesterday. Playing with the Gretchen dog and trying to think a few things out.


  7. Ms gentlekindness … thank you.


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